I am hurt, Anton Dulce

News broke out about a 16-year-old University of the Philippines-Manila freshman who ended her life allegedly because she and her family were having financial troubles. For days following the death, leftist student activist groups from different schools all over the metropolis protested and blamed the tuition fee increase and “no late payment” policy of the university for her untimely demise.

The social media likewise became flooded with sentiments regarding the reason behind her death—many blamed the system, others blamed her parents, and a few even blamed the girl herself. I tried to just skip those kinds of posts as I go to Facebook and Twitter to take a break from the pressures of the daily grind.

I am very much acquainted with the “no late payment” policy for I, too, used to avail the institution’s student short-term loan program. I entered UP in 2007, the year they adapted TOFI, the 300 percent tuition fee increase. I remember crying on the eve of my 19th birthday because I had just received a rather threatening letter from the university saying that I cannot enroll the following semester if I do not settle my measly debt so reading the posts from angered students only brought back the all too familiar feeling of despair.

However, one rather lengthy note from a friend of a friend caught my eye. There, she explored the possible depression and “lack of will to live” that the young freshman suffered prior to her death. Of course, it was immediately panned by several and some even made a mockery of her “there are sad people who need hugs” line. But I liked it. It was a fresh and considerate take on the noticeably one-sided perspective on the hot topic. Upon reading the article, I instantly clicked the “Share” button.

Within a minute after it was posted on my timeline, Anton Dulce, National Vice-Chairman of Anakbayan, a “comprehensive, national democratic mass organization of the Filipino youth”, and UP College of Law freshman commented on it and I was not prepared for the onslaught he unleashed on me over the internet.

*"saang banda?" means "which part?" or "where exactly?"

At first, I tried to just brush him off but he threw daggers left and right for more than an hour—first about my blog being “stupid” then dropping a huge one with “Sad. But dont [sic] slash your wrists. With all that fat, you'd need a chainsaw to do the job. Don't forget to position your morbidly obese corpse near the compost heap, so at least you could contribute something to the environment.”

It’s pretty insensitive of you to make fun of suicide. For crying out loud, a young girl’s suicide is the reason behind all the squabble! I call hypocrisy on this one.

Prior to this display of his true character, it had been months since we last talked but I do not recall us ever having fallouts so I was definitely taken aback by his slew of hurtful words.

I SHARED A NOTE. I shared a note, that’s it. Is that worth getting slapped across the face repeatedly with my own insecurities as your glove? I’m sorry, Mr. Dulce, but I believe that what you did was uncalled for.

I shared the note because it echoed my sentiments. I am fully aware of the issues that UP face and the consequent problems the students have to deal with but the freshman wasn’t some mechanical robot who just decided out of the blue to end her life because she had had it. No matter how short the leeway was, she still thought about it, cried about it and maybe, just maybe, a hug and listening ears were enough to convince her to do otherwise.

Anton, you are a leader—a leader of a group that respects and fights for the rights of the youth, of all things! And you are a law student. I think you should know better than to knowingly and willfully hurt a person.

I am not going to start a suicide prevention hotline or a fat people acceptance group because for 22 years, I have managed to build this wall around me for when insensitive jerks like you come around. Yes, I am hurt but it will pass. I am more concerned with the fact that a leader like you could even have the audacity to repeatedly poke and stab open wounds. You are supposed to usher in reform but you’re no better than the foul mouths you judge.

What were you trying to do, anyway? Convince me that you are right and that I am wrong? Well, insulting my person definitely worked. You are an excellent and powerful leader.

Perhaps too powerful for your own good. My dad always says, “Kapag sinabi mo sa pangit na pangit siya, parang pinatay mo na rin siya (You might as well have killed an ugly person if you say to them that they're ugly).” In this case, it is “fat loser ass.” Following your sentiments, if ever I do use that chainsaw to slit my wrists, it wouldn't be suicide. Much like the UPM student's case, it would be murder. Mr. Dulce, you should be ashamed of yourself.


P.S.
I have not deleted the post. I just changed the setting so that only I can view it.


UPDATE: You may read his public apology here.

DIY: Eyelash growth serum

I remember my lashes being a lot fuller growing up but the constant perming, extensions, and waterproof mascara abuse left them sparse and hungry for some supersized McLovin. There even came a time when my suicidal eyelashes would itch at the lash line and just freefall to my eyeballs. So for about half a year, I tried my hardest to leave my eyelashes alone with hopes that they would magically be healthy again—no mascara, no falsies, no procedures, no nothing! GASPITY GASP. While they did manage to grow out, I could have sworn my eyelashes were a lot fuller before.

So I thought about using those experimental and really pricey eyelash growth serums. I was literally in the boutique, holding onto the serum with nothing but my Third World common sense in the way. The smarts got the better of me and I went home to research about the formula.

As it turns out, they really didn’t seem to be all that complicated! I devised my own formula and have been using it nightly for about four months now. I have to say that the results are outstanding! People have been complimenting me on how full they are and those aren't even their final forms! You see, I don't wear mascara anymore. Gasp! I have noticed that my lashes are indeed blacker and longer. There also appears to be new growth, which is always exciting.

So, after that long introduction, I am going to teach you how to make your very own homemade eyelash growth serum. It’s pretty simple. First things first, you are going to need the following for this do-it-yourself project:

• Liquid Vitamin E capsule
• Liquid Multivitamin capsule
• Virgin coconut oil – it's in the rightmost bowl, FYI.
• Petroleum jelly
• Small mixing bowl
• A stick – to stir with
• Push pin
• Unused syringe/dropper
• Empty eyelash glue container – You can use mascara tubes, nail polish bottles or anything similar.

Caution: If you have sensitive eyes, or if you rub your eyes frequently, you might want to skip this one.

Seems pretty straightforward, right? Can’t you just feel your eyelashes tingling in excitement right now? Let’s get to it! Here’s a step-by-step tutorial on how to make this DIY eyelash growth serum:

1. Clean your eyelash glue container, mascara tube or whatever you are using completely. Make sure the wand/brush is free from any traces of the old product. That is going dangerously close to your eyeballs, people!

2. With the push pin, pop the top of the liquid Vitamin E capsule and empty the contents into the small mixing bowl. Not really a big deal but try to count how many drops the capsule contains. Do the same with the multivitamin and squeeze equal parts of it into the bowl.

3. Using a dropper/syringe, add equal parts of the virgin coconut oil into the mixture. Give it a good stir.

4. Scoop out a generous amount of the petroleum jelly. There really is no specific measurement for this. The petroleum jelly will just act as the thickening agent in the formula.

5. Give it one last stir and transfer the serum onto your container. Use the dropper/syringe to make things easier. If you are using a small tube like I did, try filling the container only about halfway. That way, you can stick the wand in without the serum overflowing.

HOW TO USE: Apply/paint the serum onto your eyelashes like how you would with mascara but concentrating mostly on the lash line. No need to pack it on since the excess will just end up on your eyelids or worse, into your eyeballs. If the mixture comes in contact with your eyes, or if irritation occurs, immediately rinse off with water. Do this right before you sleep as part of your nightly beauty regimen. Just wash it off in the morning before putting on your makeup. You might also want to take a bath since, you know, you're going outside and all.

My bare-nekkid eye (not actual size)

And that’s it! Not only will you save a pretty penny but you also know what you are putting on your eyeballs. I recommend that you show some love to your often neglected lower lash line. It’s a good way to balance out your eye makeup and not make them too top-heavy.

I do hope you give this one a good. Let me know how this works for you and good luck!


Tags: Johanna Perez, JBPerez4, Philippines, DIY, do-it-yourself, do it yourself, how-to, how to, homemade, home made, tutorial, remedy, cheap, effective, easy, treatment, eyelash, eyelashes, lash, lashes, hair, eyebrows, eyebrow, brows, brow, serum, formula, solution, growth, grower, regrow, lengthen, strengthen, thicken, full, long, thick, fluttery, dark, black, dupe, tips, tricks, health, beauty, wellness, style, shopping

 

Please stop following me

It isn’t funny anymore. Well, not that it ever was. I’m not some teenage queen bee or wannabe who gets her kick from being the center of everyone’s attention. I don’t want any attention, especially not yours. Please leave me alone.

Don’t pretend I didn’t see you yesterday at the coffee shop at 9th Avenue. It’s funny how I never even took you there yet there you were; staring at me behind a fence of books. I especially liked the way you creepily peeped through one of the holes in your wall of text and how your skin deliberately brushed against mine as you were walking towards your seat.

Please, this is not okay. I saw you kicking a rusty can outside my window last night. What were you doing there? No, wait, don’t answer that. I am not interested. Just stop following me.

This isn’t some sick game where you follow me around until I fall in love with you again. You had your chance and you—we—fucked it up. Didn’t you learn anything from that? Didn’t your heart break enough for you to keep on doing this? Look, what we had, it was special but that’s all it was. We were young and stupid for each other and it didn’t end well. It ended in a lot of crying, a lot of pain and a lot of lessons were learned. It would be a shame if we’d just let those lessons go to waste. Let’s move on. It’s for the best.

All things considered, you were actually really kind to me. Fuck, I don’t want to sound like I’m reminiscing or something but I actually liked the way you held me by the shoulders as you part my lips with yours, the way you looked at me whenever I pretend to be asleep, the way you told me that you don’t remember how life was before I came along, the way you said that you would die if we break up and the way you loved me enough to fire a bullet through your chest when we did.

You were in bed with me when I woke up this morning. It felt kind of awkward since it had been months since I last spent a night tangled with you. I don’t want to admit it but I actually missed that feeling.

Fuck, there you go again. Please stop following me. I am trying to move on.

Tags: Johanna Perez, JBPerez4, Philippines, thought catalog, fiction, calm yo tits, this is fiction, hipster shit, life, personal